Solemnity no more.

1. She walks past my classroom, I sit by the window, as I sit and look outside the window, she returns my glance. We share a smile then she walks off, I return to my books.
2. In the morning, as I enter my class I put my knapsack down, and I quickly walk to the other class beside. I see her sitting there by herself. I sit opposite her, we smile and just look at each other.
3. I see her sitting there at the canteen table, she sits there with her best friend, as I approach the table, she looks at me and franticly waves at me with a big smile on her face. Then she returns her look to the guy opposite her.

These were the days. I used to be head over heels over these people. What have they done, basically nothing to me, but I started to realize how perfect they were if they were more into my life.

All of them, though not knowing how I felt for them shared a connection with me. We were all close friends. And the one thing that they did not know, was that they give me a hard time sleeping at night, rolling and turning at 3 a.m. without getting a shut-eye. Day and night at some point they sit beside me in my mind. I lose focus on reality and start imagining them beside me. I used to dream hard and well about them; these people were so close to me, if only we were to get closer.

I'll just be frank. I loved them very much. I admired their traits and no doubt any guy would be wanting them to be theirs'.

All of my past foolishness of dreaming of them now are gone. Vanished over time as I realize that it is just a waste of energy and grey matter to ponder from dawn to dusk about them. Having an empty dream and a future that is fake isn't a thing to do when life promises more than that.

"There are many fishes in the sea"

Hardly am I comparing them sea life but true the words are. High school isn't the place to fall completely in love, it is an undying yearning as an adolescent a wanting to of hormones nothing more.

And yes, I still befriend them, but the feelings of a guy madly in love with a girl is no more. I still admire them, but the wanting of them being mine, exclusively mine has faded. I have lost the feeling of palpitation whenever I see them, I am less invigorated whenever I come close to them. Yes, the feeling of love is still there, no doubt, but the love has evolved to another level, that is friendship and nothing more than that.

The reason so this has happened because, time moves forward and so have I. I have realised that this kind of puppy love is only for awhile. Also, never would I have ever had the chance with any of them. This feeling fades as I learn from another close friend of mine. This friend was frank with me, she told me what I needed to hear and she trusted me, telling me what she felt about their feelings. I am not blaming her for the lost feeling of love towards the 1, 2, and 3 but rather making me more mature and letting me believe in things that are really in reality.

"The Love of a teenager is no more, only the spirit of true friendship forever"

P\S: Only out of the initial three, only the third girl was the closest to me, and who I loved the most. And the one who made me realize reality could be the 4th (in a relationship of true reliable friendship)

Number notes: The numbers represents the people who I fell for.

St. Annes Church BM's ceiling

The Final entry:2010

It has been one momentous year.

2010.

This year, has probably been one of the best years of my life so far. I have no regrets whatsoever and I will have no doubts that I will look upon 2010 over the years to come. This year, has been a great adventure for me and I am proud to look back on it and say, yes I have spent it well.

The very most important thing that I have learnt throughout this year is the love I have received. The love from the most two important people in my lives; mom and dad. Both of you have been here for me, making me a better man. I can't say much, but I love you both. I know, that I have been obnoxious and always rude against you all, but my love for you guys shall never waiver.

The other love I have learnt this year- are from friends. My friends no matter what I say or do, they are a few who are there for me. My friends from school especially, you guys have really been my support when the rest peckers and scowl at me. There are some of you, who no matter what still stuck by my side. Initially some of you were my enemies at first but as time goes by, as the months past we became close friends who I could rely on. And there are some of my friends, who made me knew love, love in the sense of affection; the whole year I fell in love, and even in the very last month there is you still here. You really make me see things more clearly besides the palpitation you gave me or the insomnia, you were frank with me and we got close.

My teachers, thank you, what and where would I be if weren't for you. All of my teachers, I can proudly say, I have no animosity towards any of you. Gurus you all have been.

The clock ticks to midnight. 2011 approaches. I look back at 2010, I look back at the decade and I can say, life well spent. Now all I have to do is look forward.

"Don't ask what the next year has in store for us, rather ask what can we do to make the next year for us"

Don't do it!

Do not be an idiot!

(to simply put it)

Don't go down that road again. Don't be a fool.

(sigh)

It is not fair for her (or him)

Get out before it is too late.

(Eyes wide)

Stop looking at her (or him)!

Just don't.

(Ok)

The Christ-mas

Christmas 2010.

Is it just me, or Christmas this year is not the same as the previous years before. As far as I am concerned the Birth of Christ which is actually Christmas itself has loss its essence. Even the commercial Christmas of Santa Claus, Lady Santas (or Santarinas) and towering trees, has loss its essence and feel to make it really into the feeling.

Why is it so?

Is it because Christmas has loss its way of people to make money?

Or is it because people has loss the essence of Christmas, e.g. caroling, gift exchanging and so forth?

Has Christmas become too solemn for most people?

Well, what ever Christmas may be; let us not forget that Christmas is no doubt the ultimate holiday for us to share and appreciate others. Also never forget that Christmas is the celebration of His' birthday.

They asked''

I was sitting next to 'them'.

They asked me, one question "Why are you so strict and fierce when we are at school, but here you are so different, kind, gentle".

I looked at them, and gave a shy smile, "Well, first we're not at school. And second I'm with you, how could I do what I do at school?"

They looked at me and gave a smile.

They asked'

They asked me, why are you so sad leaving school? You should be overjoyed.

The answer came with only a smile towards them.

But the real answer, I said to myself, I'm sad because I'm leaving a person I love.